I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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