I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
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i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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