need another drink. this is the easiest way
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sobbing to NWA
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
