my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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