Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
