just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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