That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
