Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
