She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
