I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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