I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
