So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
