dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
