Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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