New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
