remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
