This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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