They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Randomize