I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
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So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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