Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
