i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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