No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
