Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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