paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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