Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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