you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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