South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
