Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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