I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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