dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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