I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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