Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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