We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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