Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
