Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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