He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize