I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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