can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
