So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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