Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
