so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
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He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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