i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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