just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
