i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
