I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
