You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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