after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
