apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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