How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
