the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
