A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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