I'm lost and stupid without you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize