just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
