porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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