Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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