I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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