She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
