so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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