i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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