it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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