Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
