yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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