Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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