glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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