Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
