I got chris browned last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
