Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
