Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
