I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
