We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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