is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
