Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
