So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
