i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
