He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
