It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
