The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
