I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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