found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
