I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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